Image by: Unsplash
By James Reubin
If you were given the chance to go back in time and take a shortcut to find love, success and happiness, would you take it? Would you choose to take a journey without bad roads, without lousy decisions, no heartaches and no hard-fought battles?
I couldn’t imagine life without those things. In fact, my past was full of mistakes and bad choices but I wouldn’t change a thing in it. I couldn’t think of anything that I would like to delete from my memory.
It’s the time, blood, sweat and tears we invest that create meaning and value to anything.
Whether it is about our personal relationships, business or just life in general, the value of our happiness and success depends on how much pain we had to endure, how many sacrifices we needed to make and the amount of hard work we had to do to get there.
These things are necessary for us to appreciate simple things, to gain more wisdom and to understand the real meaning of life.
Focus on the HOW, instead of the WHAT.
We get impatient when things don’t happen according to our plan and when timing becomes inconvenient for us. We get frustrated; we get tired of waiting and then just lose interest.
Life is a process, my friend and you can only learn and discover more through experience.
In the piece “5 Ways to Finally Resolve Conflicts in Your Relationships,” writer Robert Taibbi explains the importance of the concept of “content vs process” when it comes to working out relationship problems.
My girlfriend and I used to argue a lot. Both of us always wanted to win. It was always a competition of who’s right, who’s got a better point and who’s got more facts. Sometimes, we would bring up bad things that happened from the past just to make our case.
Eventually, we realized that there would be no winner in that stupid game of ours and that if we didn’t do something about it, we would end up hurting each other and destroying our relationship.
The best way to deal with resistance as it arises is by controlling your emotions, turning on the rational part of your brain, and analyzing the problem beneath the problem. There’s no skipping this step.
Dig deeper and discuss some possible work arounds with your partner until you reach a mutually satisfying agreement.
Don’t force things and try slowing down sometimes.
Give it time and give yourself a chance to grow. It doesn’t make sense hurrying to reach the finish line all the time because guess what? You won’t run out of finish lines in this lifetime, not unless you’re dead.
Also, the more you try to force things, the more stressed and anxious you become. When you’re in this kind of emotional state, you will fail to enjoy your journey, you will miss the little adventures and other beautiful things on your way and you will forget about the reason why you took that path in the first place.
For example, you hate going to work because you don’t like your boss. Man, that’s something beyond your control so don’t waste your time on it. Just do what you need to do and remind yourself why you applied for that job in that first place.
When things get tough, take a pause. Breathe and learn to be calm and comfortable amidst all the psychological torments. Meditation will make you more mindful about what’s going on around you. You’ll be able to see opportunities more clearly and you’ll be more certain about your actions and decisions.
Don’t leave everything to chance.
Know what you want and focus on creating a game plan. Map your actions on how you can get more from life than you ever expected.
Whenever I try to solve a problem that I’m not familiar with, I don’t just take chances. I use a scientific method wherein I try to observe first, investigate and analyze before I take educated risks. In this way, I often have a better understanding of the problem and I can minimize my mistakes as well.
And speaking of scientific method and experimentation, Science just took a giant leap towards developing what could be the “first universal cancer vaccine.”
It was actually a very promising result. Scientists suggest that a new technique could be used to activate a patient’s immune systems against any type of tumors no matter where it is in the body. Though it is still in the process, at least we have a reason to feel hopeful about the future of cancer treatment.
Go beyond the limits of your thoughts and don’t settle for just about anything.
Don’t waste your time doing things that you don’t like just because it feels “safe.” Instead, learn how to transcend and always look for opportunities for change and improvement.
You have to realize that the best and the most important things in life take time and hard work.
Also, life is all about balance. You need to get heartbroken a few times to understand love, you have to make mistakes in order to learn, you need to meet few wrong people to identify your real friends and most of all, you need to take the whole journey to see the beauty and meaning of life.