Hitchhiker Found Decapitated on Roadside, Luckily it Was a Robot and No One Cared

By Richard K. Noots

A group of robot lovers decided to answer the age-old question, “Can a robot safely travel the United States without fear of slaughter?” This question was unceremoniously answered in less than a thousand miles with a resounding no. Within one month of HitchBOT’s travels he was found dead, like many others, in Philadelphia. The creators of HitchBOT have decided not to seek and press charges, probably because no one likes robots. Frankly, if I see any robots traveling on my roads, I’ll handle it the same way my grandpa did. With the short end of a barrel. Now, you can call me old fashioned, but I believe in a little thing called the Constitution. That means I ain’t have to tolerate no robots on this here land o’ mine. So, let HitchBOT be a warning to all you other robots who think you can just come and go as you please in my country. You may not be separate, but you sure as hell ain’t equal.

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