Image by: JakeWilliamHeckey
By Ronnie Toofan
Last year, Amiel, one of my closest cousins, traveled across the world from Barbados to Dubai to be with a woman he just met online. He said he was tired of dating women from his country because his relationships didn’t seem to be working out. He also told me that he wanted to try something new for a change.
With high hopes, Amiel flew about 10,000 miles to finally see his “virtual girlfriend” in person. In my mind, I was kind of convinced that he was really in love with that person. So, I just wished him a safe trip and asked him to always keep me updated with what’s going on.
After he posted a status update on Facebook that he already landed in Dubai, I was expecting that it would be followed by a series of photos showing how happy or excited they were upon finally meeting each other. Instead, he just posted a picture of his first meal and some random photos of the place.
I thought it was odd because I knew my cousin so well. Amiel is the type of person who loves to posts selfies and if he really likes someone, he would be really proud to flaunt her and show her to the rest of the family or on social media.
The following day, he posted a selfie with his GF but he didn’t look happy. I was sure that something wasn’t right. However, I didn’t really bother to dig deep about it and just gave him space and time to enjoy his escapade.
After a month, Amiel came back home. When we got the chance to Skype, he told me that he broke up with the girl. He said they found out they weren’t really in love with each other. To add, he also said that she looked different from what he had expected.
Aside from the amount of money he spent on that trip, Amiel was also disappointed because he felt that he just wasted almost a year on that cyber-relationship.
When we don’t get what we want, when things don’t go according to plan and when life doesn’t meet our expectations, it can leave us with low-self-esteem, feeling insecure and sometimes, lost.
Almost every day, we deal with unmet expectations and unpleasant surprises. As a result, we feel devastated, angry with ourselves or with others and worse, some people even lose interest in life itself.
So, to help you reframe your mind and empower you to stay tough and manage your emotions whenever you feel disappointed about anything, here are some ways to get you back on track.
Work on gaining some perspective to broaden your view about a particular situation and to learn to adjust or change yourself accordingly.
“Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person” presents good insights on how we can best handle disappointments in our relationships.
In this piece, writer Alain de Botton explains how romanticism makes us believe that the person who can meet our needs and satisfy our every yearning does exist.
Guys, we are not living in a perfect world. Let’s face it that in reality our loved ones will frustrate us, anger, annoy and disappoint us. There will always be flaws. And it’s unfair to just always resort to giving up every time your partner can’t live up to your standards.
Learning to negotiate your differences intelligently and tolerate your differences with generosity is essential to a long lasting and happy relationship.
Accept that disappointments are a part of life, but the feeling will pass and depending on how you take it, it can help you grow.
Chinese business magnate and philanthropist Jack Ma overcame his biggest failures through this principle.
He chose to remain optimistic despite all the rejections he experienced in his life. He has also equipped himself with an uncanny level of persistence that keeps him at the top of his game.
Be realistic on the standards you set for yourself and for others.
Get smart in setting goals and expectations; and by smart, I mean make your desired outcome specific, measurable and most importantly, attainable.
And to strengthen your thinking skills, check this out – “Yoga May Be Good for the Brain.”
According to a study published in April in the Journal of Alzheimer’s Disease, meditative activities could fortify the brain’s performance and could improve one’s perception in navigating the world.
When your mind is sharp, you can have better control of your thoughts and you can have better control of the way you experience things.
The piece “How to Be Happy Without Changing Anything But Yourself – Know Thyself” provides some wisdom on how we can enhance our perspective and make better decisions.
Writer Jonathon Twiz says that we create our reality, and our experiences in life are our co-creators. Therefore, we have the means and the power to influence it.
You are responsible for how you think, for the conditions and expectations you set in your mind and for all the thoughts processes in your brain that drive your behavior.
Remember that you have free will in changing your thoughts, examining your emotions, designing your belief systems and creating your reality. When you choose to accept things and create a positive reality instead of dwelling on your disappointments, you’ll realize that it is possible to be happy even when things don’t satisfy you.