Image by: Skitterphoto
By Dave Andrews
When I was seven, my father left us for another woman. I felt betrayed. For 21 years, I blamed him every single day for destroying our family and for ruining my chance to a happy and normal home. Because of his selfishness, I developed some trust issues that made it difficult for me to maintain long lasting relationships.
I thought I could never forgive him until one day, I heard from a relative that he was sick and dying. I was surprised by the feelings that I had upon hearing the news. I felt extreme sadness, regrets and loss.
I thought I would never be able to recognize his existence in my life but still I found myself spending time with him and taking care of him during his last days.
My anger with my dad taught me one of my life’s greatest lessons– that even though I cannot change the past, I have the ability to change and fix myself.
When dealing with strong emotions, it’s easier for things to get out of hand. Most of the time, you lose control of yourself and you get distracted from focusing on the real issue. In effect, you end up sabotaging yourself and your relationships.
Here are some helpful strategies that you need to master and include in your coping repertoire.
Reframe Your Mindset
Instead of dwelling on the uncomfortable feelings and letting yourself suffer, try to be more positive and take your experiences as an invitation to grow and become a better person.
In the piece “Why Being Sad Helps Us Remember Good Things,” writer Michelle Home explains the importance of feeling your memory and your pain in order to let go of your emotional struggles and find happiness once again.
In my opinion, having positive attitude and outlook in life can help turn your negative emotions such as anger, disappointments and frustrations into something useful and informative. You just have to take your time to reflect, appreciate the lessons from the heartbreaks and celebrate your significant experiences even if it is hidden in tears.
Suppress It Instead of Expressing It
Another effective way to overcome negative emotions is to suppress it. I know this may sound weird because many people would say it’s better to be true to yourself and with how you truly feel. However, in case of dealing with intense emotions, I think that it is best to keep things down, private and hidden from others.
Taking time to step back, gather your thoughts and remove yourself from the situation allow you to gain better perspective and avoid doing things that you will eventually regret.
To alleviate your anger and help calm yourself down, writer Sheiresa Ngo suggests doing the following:
• Identify the real culprit that feeds your anger -fear, sadness, insecurity or pain.
• Restrain yourself.
• Learn to forgive.
• Consider taking an anger management class.
Contrary to what many people think, seeking emotional support is not a sign of weakness because it takes real courage for a person to admit his limitations and accept the thought that he might not be able to things on his own.
It can be a real humbling experience. For instance, if you’re upset that you can’t seem to figure out what to do with your life, you should consider taking advice from people, who have skills and knowledge, and who have already proven themselves. If you think you’re shorthanded, don’t hesitate to ask for help and get support from your trusted friends and loved ones.
In line with this, entrepreneur and stock expert Timothy Sykes took the liberty to share with you 5 greatest things that he learned from his own journey to becoming a millionaire at the age of 22.
I find #5 the best advice: Don’t just do it for the money. Rather than making money your inspiration and driving force, you should be willing to always challenge yourself and make use of your talents and skills to make the whole experience more fulfilling.
Sharpen Yourself Continuously
Successful people are great learners. They don’t let themselves get defeated by their failures and own emotions. To sharpen yourself and be more effective in everything you do, you should never stop learning. You should continue adding value to yourself by enhancing your knowledge and constantly revising and upgrading your skills.
Arm yourself with relevant and up-to-date information that would help you face some of the great impediments to success such as Panache Desai’s “10 Ways to Move Through Your Subconscious Fears.”
If you want to survive, stagnation must go; and expansion and evolution must be embraced. To do this, you must learn to unveil the fear that stops you from taking action in your life.
Guys, managing your emotions wisely and mindfully can help you learn more about yourself, accomplish amazing things and improve your connections with others. So, next time you feel an intense negative sensation such as fear, anger or insecurity, try to focus yourself on the happiness and peace of mind that you can gain when you make conscious efforts to calm yourself and smile amidst a very challenging situation.