Image by: jase™
By Alvin Martin
When I was younger, I craved my parents approval in everything I did. Since I’m the oldest child, I always felt that more was expected of me and that I had to set an example for my brothers and sisters when it came to being obedient.
I had the same kind of attitude outside my home, too. In school I always asked my teachers too many questions after they gave us specific instructions on what to do. It’s not that they weren’t clear; I just didn’t want to risk making mistakes.
There’s a huge difference between helping others and doing things at the expense of yourself.
I also sought acceptance from my relatives and friends. Whenever they asked me for favors like driving them somewhere, I would always make myself available, even if it was inconvenient for me, no matter how tired and busy I was at the time. Because of this, I earned the reputation of being the BEST nephew, cousin and friend they’ve ever had.
Being a hall famer in that category gave me a sense of pride until Sasha came into my life. I met her through this old Blackberry app called “Smoothie” and there we started to develop a happy long-distance relationship.
I fell in love with Sasha and decided to leave my country for good and start a new life with her. It was crazy, but it felt right.
When I told my parents about my plans, they just dismissed the whole thing completely.
Man, I was 31, earning my own money and I even finished building my parents house. As far I could remember, it was the first major decision I’ve ever made in my entire existence.
Maintaining a good relationship with others doesn’t mean you have to please them all the time. It means connecting effectively without the need to become their slave and fulfill their wishes.
I was hurt. I’d already spent my entire life pleasing them and following their orders. What else could they possibly want from me?
I realized that seeking their approval was a waste of time. However, I believed that it was entirely my fault because I let them get away with those bad habits and all those things wouldn’t have happened without my consent.
My situation reached the point where I had to choose between keeping my reputation as the BEST child or do what was right for me.
Holding yourself back from stating your opinions so that you can avoid disapproval is cowardice.
After much deep thought, I decided to follow my heart. I told my parents that I’d already made up my mind and that they just had to accept my decision.
Three years later, here I am, a happy husband, a loving father and a successful business owner.
“Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner.”
If you want to be happy and successful, you have to own your life by letting go of your need for other’s approval.
First, you have to get out of your comfort zone, face your fears and accept yourself.
Choosing other people’s approval over what’s valuable to you is an act of sabotaging yourself.
Self-hatred results in more pain and malfunctions in relationships. Build your self-worth by being more mindful with your thinking. Indulge in activities that make you feel good about yourself and try opening your heart to accepting compliments and love.
Once you’ve embraced yourself, then you can start being yourself.
Travis Bradberry helps you identify your strengths and weaknesses in his piece “9 Signs You’re an Ambivert.”
Changing who you are just to be liked means you’re not actually liked for who you are.
Don’t let other people’s opinion dictate nor define the person you should be. Instead, focus on what you think is valuable and right for you.
Remember that the things that you should be doing in life must be aligned with what you believe is important. If these two things are not aligned, life becomes harder and things get messed up in a hurry.
The next step is to work on your relationships by quitting with the #RelationshipGoals.
“A healthy relationship doesn’t need social media validation.”
As defined by the Women Team, #RelationshipGoals, also known as humble bragging, is the online expression of happiness and rubbing it in for everyone.
The definition may be a little harsh, but it is “partly” true. For me, keeping it to a minimum is okay. However, sharing every detail of your relationship on social media can be really annoying and pointless.
So, stop putting on a show. Life is too short to make everyone like you. Instead, keep your relationship legit by working on your dreams together in private.
Lastly, keep your life well-maintained by consistently working on improving yourself.
Make effective choices with your time based on what is important for you.
We can all get better if we choose to do so. And to help you sculpt your body and build that perfect beach physique, check this out – “Get Stronger Abs: 6 Moves You’ve Never Tried.”
Your constant need for approval only leads to anxiety and more frustrations. So, just have faith in yourself and celebrate who you are.